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02.14.2020 Friends and Friday
Happy Valentine’s Day/Singles Awareness Friday everyone!
In the last post, I introduced my coworker that is a weeb..alright there are two weebs plus me AND its amazing.
We have something called “ coming up for air” which essentially means after a long time of sitting one of use will stand up and start talking about random nonsense. Honestly, those kinds of interactions help to make the day go by a little faster. We all work in our cubicles #officelife in the accounting department so things get dry pretty fast.
However, our moments of anime convos it much more memorable despite the craze of number crunching. One of my coworkers is a tall 6 something thicc boi that does cosplay ever summer. He, we’ll call him Boss, is Hawaiian and had a rather unfortunate past of having to go through the foster care system. Despite his shortcomings, he was able to navigate life, get married and works in the same corner as us weebs. Technically he would be my and “we’ll call the other coworker” Rosie’s, senpai since he has been with the company for 10 years!
Also because he does cosplay over the summer he likes to be fit!.. for 6 months of the year. The other half he says ” I eat whatever I want and be gross”. On top of that, he also does physical therapy and ever since someone has brought up leg problems he has been making everyone do squats for 15 mins during break..yay..
It nice to be able to talk to people similar to you every so often even if they sometimes get carried away by talking too much anime while you are doing your work. But yeah I find it super amusing that when each of us uses our stereotypical weeb speak like “ is everything daijobou?” and with the response of “ no everything is NOT diajobou! The numbers are wack!” or when coworkers as about pokemon and what would be a good team or recent animes.. I said Inspieces Reviews because I technically watched it last for research #ThoseNerdsOverThere @ https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/those-nerds-over-there and feeling intense judgment only to elaborate on what the anime is about.. spoiler its yelp for species.
This crew of people is one of the most relatable and cool groups I have worked with! Its nice to know my life is slowly shifting to something more..even if it is just the beginning of my own journey
Dates are nice…now how do I proceed without seeming weird?
1.31.2020 Photography,Pheelings, Phridays
Happy Friday and end of the first month in 2020.
Before I begin my random though topic I want to honor the loss of Kobe Bryant. He was an icon, a father, and THE LEGEND. Despite not watching sport very much growing up I was still surrounded by the Lakers and by association Kobe Bryant. For me Kobe was the topic shifter, the conversation keeper, the Lakers rise to fame AND the colors of my Highschool is Las Vegas. I may not feel as much pain as Lakers fans/ fans of Kobe, yet I do feel great sadness. A nerd that hardly watch sport was still touched by Kobe and through the few basketball games, I watched with my grandpa or references heard by people [ ball of paper tossed in trash bin] KOBE!! We all morn the tragic loss of the legend and his daughter, Gigi Bryant. Rest in peace, forever in our memories
This week I want to talk about the changes in my life. It has bee quite a change of pace for me. I have plans to change the design of the blog and revamp the system( including getting Sal plus others) in, but the process has been slow and somewhat painful.
I want the blog to grow and become something someone somewhere can read casually on there break or when they have downtime. However, I don’t feel that it’s not ready, I feel that I don’t have enough interest in my life to make this blog something special.
When I started the blog, I was going to university and stopped working so I could focus on the last semester. The initial thought of having the blog was great! I and my friend were super excited to get out there and commit to something special, creative, and fun.
The first step was a nightmare! We had SSL issues and random issues with uploads that left such bad taste in our mouths that made us hesitant to contribute without fear something else breaking. I began to post more often; typically on Fridays, because I made a clever alliteration to photography and Friday (yes I know I am a nerd) which I focused on Photography along with writing. Whereas my Sal would focus on music and deeper thoughts. It was pretty good for the most part and we were seeing some success for a few months.
Then things got really busy, at the same time Sal was working on a Podcast with Allen #ThoseNerdsOverThere and I gonna tell you typing takes much more time to process effectively over the course of time. Like it is far easier for me to edit a video then a decent blog post where Sal was geared to the podcast as its more a one-day commitment versus planning out an entire page/pages of content. So yeah the blog slowly became a pain; at least that’s how I felt. Also because I set time for the blog and was going to school I realize that made my life INCREDIBLE BORING!! Think back I realized I kinda set myself up for failure. Ultimately, A.) the stress of the last semester B.) gotta save that money cause I wasn’t working and C.) my free time breed laziness due to lack of inspiration.
This led me into a seasonal sadness, As the semester wrapped up I was looking for work and let’s just say I got really antsy and depressed. It took me a long time to find work and with the expenses of car repairs ( tires and a hit a freaking Cayote), and two weddings along with my homies texts:
Homie: hey you free?
Me: [losing my mind] yeah
Homie: let’s get food
Me: [drives off] OMW!.. Where are we going?!
I fell into a spiral of worries and thoughts that I could have written about, which I did, but not as much as I would have liked.
Fast forward to the new year, I am working and it chaos…I drive 1 hour and something two and forth to work for an 8 am-4:45 pm I wouldn’t have the time any other way, but the commute time with LA traffic is really bad plus I drive 80 miles a day or 64 miles depending how bad traffic is soooo yeah 160$ a month for gas…love you Costco gas card gimme them points! I work in accounting, the people are great, the environment is corporate, yet not too stiff collared. I do enjoy the people I work with, but 12 hours out if the house 8 hours of sleep that leaves 4 hours of just me time… pretty sad
Big sigh-I am sure it will benefit me in the long term as I work my way up, but for now, I got manage my time.
This was actually nice and pleasant : ) I will keep this up I promise and revamp the blog #2020goals
I didn’t even get to tell you about my coworker that is a complete Weeb
2019 recap “IN THE BEGINNING”
The beginning of…
2019 was quite honestly the strangest, amazing, frustrating, and interesting year by far.
To kick it off the then-new and now old “2019 new year’s” I spend the day with my cousin and chilled till the less impressive, but still memorable 2019, at home drinking and playing injustice. I am not much of a party person and some crazy new year’s bash isn’t exactly on my agenda so relaxing at home and playing games was more my style; especially with gin, tonic, and tapas are involved!
So, to kick off the 2019 recap new year what happened?!
I got in a car accident… yup… well for the first few weeks of 2019 when I was on break for school my family and I decided to go to the Tokyo Central market and the trip was awesome!! Ladies nothing is nicer than going to a large grocery store with all the food, ingredients, and random niche nacks…what that’s just me *distant “lame”* -cough cough- there was a wide variety of Japanese food plus you can buy tempura by the pound!!
After spending a couple of hours there myself, aunt, sister, and two cousins disembark for the 45 min back home. However, it was about 10 mins later when there was a slowdown ( I was the one driving) so I had to brake despite the light being green past the four cars ahead of me. Classic CA traffic I suppose.
SHI—- BOOOM- CRASH
We got rear-ended, and fortunately, everyone including the person that rear-ended us was also fine. The cars not so much especially the other person’s sedan. The front was completely wrecked, although the person that the lady called refused a tow truck and drove it off despite the entire front destroyed. Our SUV had the rear bumper, right taillight, and brakes smashed, but at the very least everyone was well.
Yup at the beginning of 2019 not a great start
Because of that accident, I had to go to the chiropractor, which would be fine and all except I was starting classes soon!!!
I was always late to my class due to the chiropractor meeting because the earliest they opened was at 9:30 am meaning by the time I was finished it was the “start at 10 am or 11 am” students making parking a nightmare!!
Then midway through January 2019, I started my internship again, so my social life dropped to nothing. I was able to build my current computer because the last time I did that was like 6-7 years ago so a little plus side.
Then going through MY LAST SEMESTER of school was exciting. It wasn’t without its struggles though. If I could go back to school, I would tell myself to take it at my own pace if I could… and commit to it!
So, the issue with me and school is how bad my study habits are along with how pressure affects me. I am pretty resilient to stress, but the things that always get me are emotional stresses. Meaning when I feel bad, I FEEL HORRIBLE and that was happening throughout college. The reason being is that my first year through college was fine and I did pretty good. Then I got into a less than desired relationship that I ended up not continuing. That negatively effected my grades, and I got a lot of flack from my uncle from it. If it was a done deal that would be fine, but he kept reminding me about it as if to crush me by my failure and it was suffocating me. I felt like to succeed I had to kick everything into high gear. Yes, I did graduate and yes I SURVIVED!! But a lot of my passion and direction were snuffed out in the process.
My passion was to go through school and study biotechnology, I was downright passionate about to because I wanted to go into prosthetic. But my drive and passion dwindled to the feeling of being delayed in school. That self-loathing made me rush. So yes, I did finish fast, but without grace. I colored a picture with nothing more than a glimpse of it. So, if I could do it again I would try my hardest to do things the way I want and use my intuition.
New(s) Year 2020
Hello internet..it’s been a while
It’s a new year and I would like to so share a sort of a mini recap of everything that happens so far and the plans I have for the future of the blog site.
but before them let me take some time about cleaning up this blog; more or less of an explanation about what I had in mind of this blog, the trials, and tribulations so to speak. I decided to start this blog late summer in 2018 as a way to leave a legacy of my self as I knew for me that the following year for myself was going to be the last year that I was going to be in college. In addition, it was during this time that Sal, my friend but now despised enemy.. I’m kidding lololol, was in this down season. I don’t remember the full details, but there was a point where he was figuring out where to go next in terms of housing. We grew closers in the process as I appeared a little bit more on the discord.
The reason I was appearing more on discord was that honestly, I felt stressed, cornered, and for a better lack of a better term lost. These friends were the best thing that happened to my life and in 2015 I essentially abandoned them for a relationship I was pursuing. Yes, I understand that when you have your own life you can manage friends, family, other relationships, etc, but the issue was I wasn’t able to manage it the relationship I was in was toxic and instead of seeking my friends I had for all this time I tried to do it on my own. Fortunately, God was always with me and of course, He delivered me, allowing myself and ex to sperate. Giving me the strength to push forward!
This was a value I learned in my journey; friends and family are my top priorities.
Not to say that my friends are the only thing to me, but it sure as hell feels that way…growing up with really no parents and being extremely privileged to have great friends that look out for each other is an unshakable feeling that pulls me out from drowning in depression. My friends are the ones that allow me to be who I am and I am eternally grateful that despite the tragedies I faced in my life or those that have inflicted suffering in the lives of my friends we can always connect together as if we never left.
Then after that relationship, I was able to lead a more normal-ish lifestyle… why normal-ish well… I kicked everything into high gear. I was going to school fulltime and switched my major from biotech( honestly I probably shouldn’t have cause I am much more passion it about it) I’m pretty bad at math to Economics because I found it efficient ( I liked it too but not as much as Bio). I switched because my uncle simply made me feel really bad about myself. I know he means well and that the things he says are to “push” me forward. However, he doesn’t understand that not all people operated at the same level. I had to repeat some high division math courses a few times and I would him know because he would always check where I was in my degree. With those conversations I felt myself falling deeper in a pit because he would say stuff like “ its because you were in a relationship that made you slacking off” or “ I was in this situation once and my GPA fell to 2.8 so then I stopped going out, talking to my friends, and studies to bring myself to a 3.9” and my personal favorite ( I hated this the most) “ Every time you delay your degree you’re missing out on an entry-level salary of 50,000$ a year”
The funny thing is I felt that I should kick everything into high gear because of that. What happened? Chaos!! I started taking on way too much; when you are a person that listens to others before yourself and do things to please others it becomes one massive fireball. I was working fulltime going to school full time, and something he doesn’t necessarily think about I have certain priorities when it comes to a household. I live with him, his wife, my two cousins, and two sisters; if the kids are hungry I will make food, if the need to be picked up I will pick them up, if the house needs to be cleaned I will clean it. When my uncle was locked “starting at the bottom now I am here” he didn’t have people nagging him about studies. I was also trying to actually be involved in the family; then when I ask for peace or “ignore” him he has the audacity to say “You need to be more involved with the GODDAMN FAMILY”…sorry…It’s really annoying. He means well and is an extremely smart man, aerospace engineer, I feel like to develop that intelligence the other intelligence shrivels up and dies. With that level of intelligence guess who has the last say? plus anger issue so basically checkmate.
I drowned myself with school and work while reserving time with siblings when I had the chance. I had to learn these subtle ques to avoid bad temperament from my uncle ( I have walked into a quiet house and my cousin’s phone smashed by my uncle) . Some of the ques I have learned are to make dinner at a certain time( cause he be hangry), make sure the kids were calm (answer their questions), etc I HAD TO FIGURE THESE THINGS OUT!! Naturally, I wasn’t able to focus entirely on my studies because even now I feel like I have ADHD and honestly made it through college with some friends I met there. Most of them have ADHD and me studying with the methods they learned. I managed to graduate with a Degree in Economics and a minor in Accounting. I was number from all of this and at home, I would every so often hope on the computer with friends and play games. Mostly I was stuck in this cycle for the next 2 years.
Then in 2018, my degree was almost done, and my class load was a lot lighter…I also quit my job for a part-time internship! So it was around this time that I decide to create the blog…the problem I was still at school and working a 9 to 5 job, such the school work was somewhat lighter since I left the simpler classes for last, but now I was thinking about graduation and a career. The internship taught me a lot of great soft skills and office work, but I learned that I did not like it at all. Especially, having to wake up at 6 am leaving by 7:30 am just to make it to the office by 9 am because traffic is HORRIBLE I wouldn’t get home till 7:30 pm and the time I had left was reserved for schoolwork, which I was so tired to do…
Fortunately, the internship ended in August a month before the blog release, but before then Sal and I despite our communication and hopes for the blog got a really bad taste for the blog when something happened to the SSL or security stuff that took weeks to resolve. On top of figuring out what that heck to do with the blog in the first place.
Sal and I were left with an idea and a less than ideal desire to do more. I really feel sorry for Sal because I felt that he really wanted to do the blog. He is definitely the writer of the group and has some amazing work that the world needs to see. I was hoping that the blog would help him find purpose and motivation to get out there. I was also around the time Allen was coming around to discord more often, ultimately moving back to LV. Sal and Allen were in the process of starting a podcast #ThoseNerdsOverThere @https://thosenerdscast.wixsite.com/home which was amazing, beautiful, and fun!! I must admit I am a bit jealous when it comes to how much fun it seems that they are having on the podcast.
Now we reach the somewhat present..hello there, the angel from my night—cough cough— After the internship ended and I was just at school I thought I could focus on my blog more with Sal. It was going well until this feeling of commitment started creeping in. I was afraid that the blog wasn’t gonna be good enough, afraid that I wasn’t able to get things out on time, afraid that I need to be x y and z or the blog wasn’t going to happen… The blog is not dead..yes, I know I am paying more than an amazon membership every year for it, but for now, I feel like the investment will do more great for me while I make the payments.
This new year, I am going to make this blog a blog about moments in life, the name gottamoment, was the brainchild of Sal and me when we were wondering the niche of our blog. It was definitely on the creative side but it wasn’t going to be strictly writing or photography more of a blend of moments of time. Reflecting back on it I know the reason I was somewhat lacking to post was that I simply felt that it was work I had to do like an essay for school, but the blog initially was a way for me to get outside explore, interpret, feel, capture and tell. I thought far too hard about what is it today, tomorrow, and stressed about being this and that when in reality the crux of the blog itself was the time at that moment… our moment… Yes, gottamoment, is about the readers having a moment to read about our life, but I have since realized that these are just as much our moments that we lived. Moments are what you make them be, they aren’t always planned out to perfection and are more than often a feeling that appears at…well at the moment.
This is what I have for the site, a shift in paradigm so to speak, a place for moments to be immortalized.
Hang tight fam I will be revitalized and I will now take the step to share with the people about the blog! Something I was afraid to do because I wasn’t confident in the content…Thank you readers!
peoples perception and personality- 16 personalities
peoples perception and personality- 16 personalities
Recently I have been on a “ personality type high” whatever that means. Let’s start with my personality type. After my friend pasted the link into the discord chat a few of us were drawn into the sudden idea of knowing ourselves. I am an INFJ-T and from what I gleaned for the interwebs about my newfound understanding. “I” stands for introverted thinking, “N” for intuition, “F” for feeling, and “J” for Judgement with the bonus “T” for Turbulent. I will add I always hold my side of skepticism salt next things in the nature identifying yourself, but still, find it fun and interesting nonetheless.
Anywho what does this mean? According to 16 personalities I am “The Advocate”. A supposed rare type of personality that makes up less than 1 percent of the population; The advocate is an individual that seeks to do better to others around them. They are fueled by morality and idealism. The most rewarding feeling to the advocate, according to the text, is “to engage in efforts that help people whether it be rescuing them or to resolve an issue in people”. Honestly, it seems about right…
This was probably the most eye-opening part that I read. I love helping people and I don’t mean simply “ let me help you with that” or “ can I get the door for you” ( although I would also do those gestures) I can’t quite explain it but is more of “ Hey, something seems off about you do you need someone to listen?” or “ It looks like something is pressing your mind, lets talk”
This is interesting because one of the turning points in my life was a serious relationship I was in. Although it ended in a mutual break up it wasn’t all smooth sailing. It was this relationship that “unlocked” a part of me that was there but never fully expressed due to the lack of experience in interpersonal relationships towards a person with deeper feelings. This relationship taught me that I am a supporter. I don’t believe I am a leader type nor do I want all the attention on me rather I will strive to help those become the best version of themselves. That doesn’t mean I won’t take charge of the situation is necessary. As well I am more of a doer than a dreamer. The relationship taught me that I prefer to avoid conflict because at that time I believed conflicts were purely negative, however it was through the relationship I learned that conflicts are not always a bad thing. I see conflict now as a way to extract issues shrouded in confusing and misunderstandings. For example, when talking to people I try to think from their perspective and well as my perspective to understand how their points line up. What I find is that my brain is good at picking up are contradictions. Therefore, when talking to a person that I see consistently if their actions do or do not line up with their thoughts or actions, I tend to notice the nuances in their behavior especially if it goes against what they say. In those situations, someone may point out all the things you are doing wrong and say not to do that, but this is where my logic shifts from someone more extroverted. I see it from my perspective too and I dislike when people give logical “cold” responses. Not to say they are bad, there is just less of an opportunity to communicate to people effectively with facts such as “ hey you’re rushing at what you’re doing and it is making the job look sloppy and rushed” is it true and justifiable? Yes. , but is it right in helping the persons? No. Because it only offers a harsh glaring singular point that pushes the said person into the corner. Something I would say instead would be more in the lines of “ Is everything ok? You seem to be frantic about something”. The questions in my head would be, is this a normal thing? Did they realize what that did? Are there factors that can contribute to these behaviors? Therefore, if I see a contraction from a person it becomes glaringly obvious and if I were in the position to “help” them I would first see their line of thought through asking questions or listening to concerns they had. Instead of calling out I would invite them in.
This is probably the glaring weakness of an INFJ-T. We spend a lot of time listening to other people that we become fixated and lost in their world. There is a high degree of becoming overwhelmed for other people’s sake and losing yourself as your desire to help people becomes an obstacle to your self. Even though as an INFJ you appear extroverted, I can attest this to friends saying so, we are also introverted by nature. Think about photography, yes, I do photography, you have to be involved with the subject especially the model talk to them, interact in a way that makes them feel comfortable, talk, laugh, enjoy, have fun. That requires external energy and engagement. After the shoot, you pull the picture on the computer and its just you and the image. You take this time to decompress, reflect, understand, and review. INFJs are just that! Think about taking photographs as communicating. All the pictures are things you listen to an after a while you hit your maximum storage on the memory card. It’s important to “offload” card or be alone and decompress while you have your time.
This is extremely important because we take a look at people from both sides we also “feel” everything twice per se. Therefore negative conflicts which can involve Criticism is one of the hardest things to deal with. We try to make people feel better without using harsh logic. We know what is right but take the precedence in thinking if its also right for this time. However, when this bites us back when people pull criticism or harsh logic as a statement. We tend to become defensive because we know it’s true and we feel bad about it, yet the same time we don’t want to make the other person feel bad too, therefore, we are stuck in this loop of feeling the negative twice from the other person perspective and your perspective. The feeling is magnified because we have self-doubt in ourselves and self-loathe about issues/ mistakes we have done in the past. People that hold grudge or cling onto things in the past are the most difficult to communicate to as on one hand INFJs can sense something is bothering them and wishes to help, but on the other hand they know if the other person hears something they don’t like they will instead reverse the cards pushing down the INFJ with past experiences and criticism.
So yeah personality tests are interesting. I don’t know how accurate they are and yet, it makes me feel a bit better learning more about myself. Identity is something I struggled with when I was younger and to some extent to this day. What I mean by identity is the understanding of your role in life. I don’t mean to get existential, think of it more as if base on the circumstance how are you supposed to act because I grew up in a somewhat unconventional childhood. I was essentially the man of the house growing up with two younger sisters and grandparents. Therefore, was I suppose to act like an adult yet be a kid? Or continue to be a kid because I was a kid? Of course, your actions and how you reflect them is up to the person and least of identity, but this is how it felt in my mind. Some strange conflict.
Feels, Fhotography, Friday 10.18.2019
Desire
What is desire? People believe that desire is a manifestation of ongoing yearning for something. The object of individuals is to motivate actions. Yet, desires themselves tend to have bad connotations. Naturally, anyone can be motivated for the wrong reasons, but specifically, Desires have always been lumped with topics like Lust or Greed such as in Dante’s Inferno. These people have an unquenchable appetite for the desire of the flesh, money, or power.
The question is: are desires a bad thing and if so why? Is it because we as a human race think we are superior to our thoughts and emotion, therefore, should be able to control them? Of course, human emotion is not simply black and white as we are far more complex for a one answer fits all types of approach. Still, I understand that desire can be a motivating factor such as the desire to become wealthy, the desire in loving, the desire to crash into your bed after a long day of LA traffic, overcrowding of people, and day to day living expenses..ehem Yes, the natures of these factors are understood. It’s simple enough to want money, it is simple enough to be wanted or be loved, it is simple enough to rest when you are tired. Therefore, it is ok to desire since it is just you more or less right?
Yet, most desires or wants are typically conditional. Thus, adding another layer. This is where things can get messy. Going back to our desires of wealth, love, rest once we add conditions to them the result might manifest into something different. What do I mean by the condition? Think of a compromise something must be met for the other to occur. In the case of the desire to be wealthy, we first ask why? There can be all sorts of answers and wealth itself if it is somewhat suggestive since wealth can mean how much money earned to someone versus how much money invested, or even how much money someone wants, the list goes on. I will add my personal belief is wealth comes from contentment where the person has enough to live and enjoy life, yet, does not have enough to be demotivated from working/ earning money.
Going back to wealth as a desire, the desired wealth can be that very reason a person wakes up at 5 am for a 7 am class for a college degree or for a job that they are trying to advance further in. I believe that is beautiful and most others probably admirable or insane. However, what if their reason was to drown themselves out of life by avoiding friends and/or family and hiding it at work? Or in the workplace, they want to push everybody down so they can make it to the top. Again, there is no black and white when it comes to desire. This example is a straightforward situation where the actions are seemingly one-sided. Yet, it characterizes the issues that can be associated with desires from one point to another.
The reality is there is a multitude of desires types and according to the “https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/desire/” the three-section being theories, varieties, and controversies of desires. Theories focusing on the Actions, pleasure, and attention to name a few. Whereas, varieties look at the state of the desire such as the strong vs weaker desires or for Objects versus affairs; a more comparative viewpoint of desires. Lastly, controversies deal with topics in the motivation, how the desire fits in the specific scheme of situation, and where the desires originate into the reasons.
So then why do we see desire typically as a bad thing? In my initial impression, I see Desires as an intense yearning for love or lust. Granted I have grown around a culture that enforces either self-control or releasing yourself from worldly possessions from the Church as well as being surrounded by family members in the Buddhist doctrine. Both have a strong similarity with respect to the topic of desire. I believe desires are a normal human phenomenon. That his not to say a person that has a desire to be with X person when there are already committed with another or a desire to hurt others is acceptable. I believe that it is this very fact that desires have a bad connotation. Because guns kill all guns are bad and therefore should be ban is this notion I am getting. Seem similar? A people I believe it is difficult to be just about the overall topic. Continuing with desires is it ok to desire anything so long as it does not negatively affect others around you? I believe it should be ok.
Therefore, desires themselves can be a good thing as the basics physiology of people are for lack of a better term are pumps for chemicals that determine more less how we interact with the world. The reason for the manifestation is fear which preventative natures are the people can be manipulated by their internal feelings or can associate certain behaviors with reactions. I believe this is where humanity creates a justification for certain reactions. Most I would say is for the benefit of society meaning that the illusions are made to prevent people from wrongdoing
Feelings,Fhotography, Friday 10.11.2019
Contradictions
Originally, I had planned to write about Desires and their nature, However, I got absorbed and overwhelm with the philosophy. You would think that desires would be clear and cut, I know I believed that, yet there is more to the meaning of one’s desires that involve an action toward a want, need, yearning, etc or the feeling, but not actually doing versus the motivating factor being good or bad as well as the notion that desires are seemed to be viewed in a negative space such as lust, which I believe is not in inherently bad.
Anywho look for that later, as for now, I will be talking about contradictions. As we know a contradiction is essentially an idea or though the opposes itself. It is interesting to see people in this world contradicted themselves. I for one believe you do as you know the meaning if you are at a place of knowledge then you at least have some input in the matter. This does not correlate specifically with the contradictions rather is a bridge where I see it happen most often. I have friends/ know people from all points in life and some of them are smart people. This is where I see it most often. Firstly, I will add that I am no psychologist or expert on the matter of people’s tendencies and behaviors. These comments are based solely on experience. Intelligent people tend to believe they know everything or initiate the feeling when they talk to you. The tendency I realized is that because they believe they know everything they tend to block themselves meaning they lack their self-knowledge; They see through a one-way mirror. This typically breeds pride and hubris that I find quite interesting. It is as if smarter people tend to believe they are always right and in doing so can’t accept their deficiencies. This is where the turning point to the contradiction comes into play. Can you know so much and be smart while knowing little of yourself?
Then again who are we to call it a contradiction if they know so much and know little about themselves. The phrase from Socrates comes into play “Know Thyself” Comes into play. Therefore, is it a contradiction to so stay something to another person when it applies to you? As is older person says to kid “yet off your phone at dinner” then the older person proceeds to go on their phone. Then there is my least favorite kind of contradiction when someone offers to help you with something then does it begrudgingly using it against you. Like bro, if you offer at least do it for good and not to hold it against people. Then there is the classic example nagging how come you don’t do the laundry, clean, etc and yet, they also don’t do it as well… yeah, I know understand. In my case, I will do XYZ the issue is that some people don’t notice. Like my grandmother, bless her soul, was a caring and loving person, but if she didn’t see you clean or do homework then you didn’t do it. At that point can you fault the person if they don’t notice?
Anyways, contradictions are always present. It is not ideal, at least in my belief, because I tend to get confused easily and about rather have whatever is spoken clear and concise. As well, it tends to shift my attitude towards a person that I know from observation that does the opposite of how they act. My images are bosses or people in high positions that preach but don’t do what they say. The moral of the story is to be mindful of others and your actions or what you say. It is better to acknowledge you don’t know something versus saying something that goes against yourself; TLDR do not be a phony! Some people can’t tell, but those that can will hate your guts!
Flow, Feeling, and Friday 09.13.2019
Not my usual posting format. Something that kinda popped up in my head that I decided to write out because throughout my personal life it was never alway peachy keen. I count myself lucky to be able to go through life despite tragedy striking. I owe it to my friends I was able to talk to. It is because of them I was able to go through those tough time. However, some people never get the chance. Please find a friend and talk to them
Okay- By Le-Au
Are you okay?
R u ok?
U k?
Is it ok to go through the day
Keep all the things behind your face?
Having all the pressure inside you building
Under a layer of Repression
Waiting, delaying and not say anything
Because the fear of expression
Expression
–Yeah I am ok–
No, I am angry
I need a shoulder to cry on
–Leave me alone!–
Having all these recollections
I stay quite.. is it my source of protection?
—No, I think you should say something
You say to say something
People Lie abuse and use
That why I keep it in
that’s my excuse
—No no its better for you please listen
-Are you okay?-
-R u ok? –
-U k?-
Yes there is danger
Yes there is fear
—Please talk to me, I am not a stranger
—I need to make it clear
—I am a person you can Confide
—Or please find someone, anyone
—YOU can trust, do not deny
—It will make you feel better on the inside
Ok sure I will express what lies inside
No s*it Sherlock would that be nice?!
But I can’t because people betray
They sit and wait like a snake and its prey
And you’re telling me to scurry to others like mice?!
The effort you put in call me impressed
But I am over this conversation
Thank u next…
—LISTEN
Negative Emotions left unchecked
The darkness of sadness, suffering, anguish
will leave you…have once left me in a wreck
The fires of emotion fanning out need to be extinguished
Hey..I care enough to let you know
The feelings inside
Honestly, let them go
I understand people can cheat and lie
But there is more to people ya know
Give them a chance and see how it goes
Communication is key, but not all at once
You gotta ease it in over time
It’s not gonna be easy, life ain’t a free lunch
Like a new recipe takes time; a pinch salt and touch of lime
Anger and frustration can build inside; Gordon Ramsey a bunch of thyme
-Are you okay?-
-R u ok? –
-U k?-
Yeah, I think I can say that I am ok
Wait hang on.. please don’t go away
— talk to me I am here to stay—
Photography, Pheelings, and Phirday. 09.06.2019
Consequence
Growing up we are taught the things we do to others or ourselves have consequences. Whether it is good or bad, typically the latter, there is a reaction for what we do thus teaching causation.
In my childhood, I learned early on about negative consequences. I was a known troublemaker earning me a special eye from adults. If there was a fish tank you bet, I would try to feed the fish; ultimately dumping the whole jar in. If there were shiny objects those became my objective. Once I saw a bowl filled with something metallic in the cupboard. I would climb the countertop to reach it; resulting in cuts because the shiny object was knives or realizing that hot incandescent bulbs can set tissues on fire. I almost created a small house fire.
These consequences in my case were negative because I did something wrong; Therefore, someone needs to tell me otherwise or I would continue to do it. As a result, I would say I tend to think things through..maybe a little bit too much.
In any case, what about the opposite such as a good result? Although we don’t normally think of consequences as good, by definition, a consequence is a reaction or effect of an action. For example, if I clean the dishes or table after dinner no one will fight over the whole” who is doing the dishes” and/or no one will ask me to do the dishes. Therefore, to save me the ” surprise you’re doing the dishes” or stalling of whomever and not getting anything done will do the dish; the positive consequence is no time is wasted and things get done or getting home from school and doing your homework right away. No nagging from parents, plain and simple.
However, I feel in some respect the consequence is misplaced. As in is the consequence(s) are placed upon you introspectively. Why is it that adults feel responsible for the child(s) actions? Is it not the fault of the person(s) to claim their own mistake or effect? Yes, there is a difference with correcting mistakes as there is a way to explain the problems because someone doesn’t know or they haven’t learned yet. I am talking about I know in XYZ scenario; I have acknowledged it and I will proceed with the results. The perfect example is pregnancy. Let’s say a man gets a women pregnant out of consensus intercourse, but the couple was not hoping to get pregnant; other words it was an accident. The couple gets angry and fights with each other. Why? didn’t they make their choice even though there was a negative consequence? Regardless of culture or personal beliefs, it is what happened. It could have happened due to chances with birth control or choosing to go without protection. That is each of their consequence and they deal with it. Let say they’re teenagers and they decided to tell the parents the typical reaction would be that the parents get mad and say this and that blah blah blah. Aside from the fact that there is already a lot of tension in the air; the feeling of frustration does not help the situation.
Of course, having a supporting family in this situation is always beneficial because no expects an accident. However, I can see that sometimes people are swayed by the results of what happens. Meaning, some people do nothing because they can own up to it or because they don’t want other people to face the consequence. True, in the case of accidental pregnancies the issue is a lot bit long term and each party must weight their ability to raise a child. However, I am not talking about the consequences per se more of owning up to the fact of the consequence, realizing what happened, acknowledging it, and proceeding forward with your understanding.
This is where things get a bit murky because each person doesn’t know what the other person is thinking and vice versa. Communication is key and is what make us as a species what we are today. We have to articulate what our intentions are and how they impact us and others; cause and effect. Now in the case of how to do it effectively is based on the person.
The main point is that there is a consequence for everything. If you do something expect the unexpected or at the least, try to come to an understanding for the results. For those that have years of experience under their belt. There is also a time to let people figure things out on their own; Yes, you have done ABC; Therefore, I know you should do this, or you shouldn’t do this. Here’s the thing, yes, past experiences do help people process current or future endeavors. However, that does not mean it should be a stopping point for the other person. Don’t stop someone else from doing something just because you didn’t like it and likewise don’t get upset when someone doesn’t always take you “experiential advice”; to each their own. Understanding consequences will help you make better decisions because at the end of the day we are our own selves other people are doing their own thing, it is your own decision to help someone it is your own decision not to. If you are a person giving advice do not get worked up if someone does not use your advice on the same token when a person suggestion something don’t just immediately do it. Think about it first weight your opinions too.
As well, I feel that the consequences that affect one person should really be weighed in by that person. Meaning If you decide to proceed with some plan of attack that does not affect anybody else that is your burden, benefit, effect to take on. Don’t go blaming others if it doesn’t turn out good and for other people don’t good tearing someone down because they believe otherwise; it is their own leave them alone. If the effect is toward multiple; there is a level of communication and delicacy that should be taken into consideration due to the nature dealing with multiple people. At the end of the day, there are reactions to whatever you do in life. However, you are the only you focus on that and avoid all the extra-ness that some people bring to the table.
Feeling, Film, and Fotography Fridays 08.09.2019
Connections
Just last week I was in Kansas for my best friend’s wedding. We are friends from elementary school and grew up together until I had to move to California some 5+ years ago. Even then we kept in contact because growing up as “Nerds”, shoutout to those “Nerd Over There” podcast on Sound Cloud also by mutual friends, we would use Skype then advance to Ventrilo, then TeamSpeak, and now Discord. We were always connected via the internet playing games or just talking.
Then that got me thinking. The whole time my few close friends and I have always been connected even so hundreds of miles away in California for me, even more for another friend that went to Seattle Washington for school, and insanely further away to the Philippines where my friend that just got married went to school! We have always been connected. Honestly, that is the most important thing in my life. Even though sleepless nights in College #collegelyfe or a particular soul-draining relationship where I would be gone for months on end; I could still pop into the channel and be immersed as if nothing changed. As if I never left from the conversation at all.
These relationships are far and few because life sometimes gets in the way. This connection I have with my friends all together in this one place at the wedding impacted me in a way that I can’t explain. The culture shock and humidity of Shawnee, KS definitely stood out, but it’s the fact that wherever we are if one of the homies lights the torch, we will all go to the beacon. This empowering unity really uplifted me. The wedding ceremony was quaint and inviting. I was basically adulting cause reality MY FRIEND IS MARRIED!! The group that I have known for so long are continuing their life one step at a time. Sharing the many moments at the wedding showed me that Alcohol is key…I am kidding! Anywho it is important to step out and make connections as you may never know how far the connection will take you.
For me, these connections mean a lot as growing without strong parental figures leave you feeling hopeless. These guys that I have known forever have really helped me push past all of it. This will be a chapter that will stay with me forever. I wish you good fortune, prosperity, and happiness in your marriage Jacob and Hannah! We’ll keep in touch don’t you worry!
