New(s) Year 2020

Hello internet..it’s been a while

It’s a new year and I would like to so share a sort of a mini recap of everything that happens so far and the plans I have for the future of the blog site.

but before them let me take some time about cleaning up this blog; more or less of an explanation about what I had in mind of this blog, the trials, and tribulations so to speak. I decided to start this blog late summer in 2018 as a way to leave a legacy of my self as I knew for me that the following year for myself was going to be the last year that I was going to be in college. In addition, it was during this time that Sal, my friend but now despised enemy.. I’m kidding lololol, was in this down season. I don’t remember the full details, but there was a point where he was figuring out where to go next in terms of housing. We grew closers in the process as I appeared a little bit more on the discord.

The reason I was appearing more on discord was that honestly, I felt stressed, cornered, and for a better lack of a better term lost. These friends were the best thing that happened to my life and in 2015 I essentially abandoned them for a relationship I was pursuing. Yes, I understand that when you have your own life you can manage friends, family, other relationships, etc, but the issue was I wasn’t able to manage it the relationship I was in was toxic and instead of seeking my friends I had for all this time I tried to do it on my own. Fortunately, God was always with me and of course, He delivered me, allowing myself and ex to sperate. Giving me the strength to push forward!

This was a value I learned in my journey; friends and family are my top priorities.

  Not to say that my friends are the only thing to me, but it sure as hell feels that way…growing up with really no parents and being extremely privileged to have great friends that look out for each other is an unshakable feeling that pulls me out from drowning in depression. My friends are the ones that allow me to be who I am and I am eternally grateful that despite the tragedies I faced in my life or those that have inflicted suffering in the lives of my friends we can always connect together as if we never left.

Then after that relationship, I was able to lead a more normal-ish lifestyle… why normal-ish well… I kicked everything into high gear. I was going to school fulltime and switched my major from biotech( honestly I probably shouldn’t have cause I am much more passion it about it) I’m pretty bad at math to Economics because I found it efficient ( I liked it too but not as much as Bio). I switched because my uncle simply made me feel really bad about myself. I know he means well and that the things he says are to “push” me forward. However, he doesn’t understand that not all people operated at the same level. I had to repeat some high division math courses a few times and I would him know because he would always check where I was in my degree. With those conversations I felt myself falling deeper in a pit because he would say stuff like “ its because you were in a relationship that made you slacking off” or “ I was in this situation once and my GPA fell to 2.8 so then I stopped going out, talking to my friends, and studies to bring myself to a 3.9” and my personal favorite ( I hated this the most) “ Every time you delay your degree you’re missing out on an entry-level salary of 50,000$ a year”

The funny thing is I felt that I should kick everything into high gear because of that. What happened? Chaos!! I started taking on way too much; when you are a person that listens to others before yourself and do things to please others it becomes one massive fireball. I was working fulltime going to school full time, and something he doesn’t necessarily think about I have certain priorities when it comes to a household. I live with him, his wife, my two cousins, and two sisters; if the kids are hungry I will make food, if the need to be picked up I will pick them up, if the house needs to be cleaned I will clean it. When my uncle was locked “starting at the bottom now I am here” he didn’t have people nagging him about studies. I was also trying to actually be involved in the family; then when I ask for peace or “ignore” him he has the audacity to say “You need to be more involved with the GODDAMN FAMILY”…sorry…It’s really annoying. He means well and is an extremely smart man, aerospace engineer, I feel like to develop that intelligence the other intelligence shrivels up and dies. With that level of intelligence guess who has the last say? plus anger issue so basically checkmate.

I drowned myself with school and work while reserving time with siblings when I had the chance. I had to learn these subtle ques to avoid bad temperament from my uncle ( I have walked into a quiet house and my cousin’s phone smashed by my uncle) . Some of the ques I have learned are to make dinner at a certain time( cause he be hangry), make sure the kids were calm (answer their questions), etc I HAD TO FIGURE THESE THINGS OUT!! Naturally, I wasn’t able to focus entirely on my studies because even now I feel like I have ADHD and honestly made it through college with some friends I met there. Most of them have ADHD and me studying with the methods they learned. I managed to graduate with a Degree in Economics and a minor in Accounting. I was number from all of this and at home, I would every so often hope on the computer with friends and play games. Mostly I was stuck in this cycle for the next 2 years.

Then in 2018, my degree was almost done, and my class load was a lot lighter…I also quit my job for a part-time internship! So it was around this time that I decide to create the blog…the problem I was still at school and working a 9 to 5 job, such the school work was somewhat lighter since I left the simpler classes for last, but now I was thinking about graduation and a career. The internship taught me a lot of great soft skills and office work, but I learned that I did not like it at all. Especially, having to wake up at 6 am leaving by 7:30 am just to make it to the office by 9 am because traffic is HORRIBLE I wouldn’t get home till 7:30 pm and the time I had left was reserved for schoolwork, which I was so tired to do…

Fortunately, the internship ended in August a month before the blog release, but before then Sal and I despite our communication and hopes for the blog got a really bad taste for the blog when something happened to the SSL or security stuff that took weeks to resolve. On top of figuring out what that heck to do with the blog in the first place.

Sal and I were left with an idea and a less than ideal desire to do more. I really feel sorry for Sal because I felt that he really wanted to do the blog. He is definitely the writer of the group and has some amazing work that the world needs to see. I was hoping that the blog would help him find purpose and motivation to get out there. I was also around the time Allen was coming around to discord more often, ultimately moving back to LV. Sal and Allen were in the process of starting a podcast #ThoseNerdsOverThere @https://thosenerdscast.wixsite.com/home  which was amazing, beautiful, and fun!! I must admit I am a bit jealous when it comes to how much fun it seems that they are having on the podcast.

Now we reach the somewhat present..hello there, the angel from my night—cough cough— After the internship ended and I was just at school I thought I could focus on my blog more with Sal. It was going well until this feeling of commitment started creeping in. I was afraid that the blog wasn’t gonna be good enough, afraid that I wasn’t able to get things out on time, afraid that I need to be x y and z or the blog wasn’t going to happen… The blog is not dead..yes, I know I am paying more than an amazon membership every year for it, but for now, I feel like the investment will do more great for me while I make the payments.

This new year, I am going to make this blog a blog about moments in life, the name gottamoment, was the brainchild of Sal and me when we were wondering the niche of our blog. It was definitely on the creative side but it wasn’t going to be strictly writing or photography more of a blend of moments of time. Reflecting back on it I know the reason I was somewhat lacking to post was that I simply felt that it was work I had to do like an essay for school, but the blog initially was a way for me to get outside explore, interpret, feel, capture and tell. I thought far too hard about what is it today, tomorrow, and stressed about being this and that when in reality the crux of the blog itself was the time at that moment… our moment… Yes, gottamoment, is about the readers having a moment to read about our life, but I have since realized that these are just as much our moments that we lived. Moments are what you make them be, they aren’t always planned out to perfection and are more than often a feeling that appears at…well at the moment.

This is what I have for the site, a shift in paradigm so to speak, a place for moments to be immortalized.

Hang tight fam I will be revitalized and I will now take the step to share with the people about the blog! Something I was afraid to do because I wasn’t confident in the content…Thank you readers!