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Having to watch the ones you love suffer from drug addiction is a kind of experience that you can’t quite describe. It is a mixed amalgamation of feelings, whether it be sadness, hatred, or frustration. All these things swirl around inside you as you try to make sense of it all, especially if you are at a young age where you don’t quite understand how addiction works. This is the subject of I The Mighty’s new single “Cave In” and boy is it a doozy.
When I first listened to this song, (and several times after) I thought at first it was a song being narrated by the voice inside your head. You know the one. That gnawing at the back of your brain telling you that you should do something that isn’t good for you. The voice that wants nothing but the worst for you. The enemy of your well being. But this wasn’t the case, I figured that out after lingering on the lyrics “That’s a part of me that will never leave.” And realized what the songs narrative really was, so let me explain.
“Cave In” is narrated by someone recounting memories of the times a loved one has fallen prey to their addiction and the feelings that lingered in their wake. In this case, it is most likely a parent the narrator is talking about, but It could be anyone and the song makes it easy to apply to our own experiences because it is a feeling all of us who have gone through this have felt.
“It came down to a choice.”
This is opening line to the song, and where it all starts. When you first realize what you are dealing with. Unsure, unaware and very uncertain. It always starts with a choice. Some might even argue it was never a choice, to begin with, but that doesn’t stop you from thinking it. At least not at the beginning.
” I heard it take shape in your voice. To let me know it wasn’t you”
It’s funny the little things you remember while in the moment of these kinds of situations. You may not know when, where, why, or how you felt in that moment, but what you do remember was the sound of their voice and how completely not “them” they were. Addiction starts to take shape inside a person, twisting them into a person you can’t recognize.
“And again, and again and again. You stay sick, get your fix. Even if you couldn’t see it. Cause you’re a shadow of yourself. ”
Again. It continues to happen despite your best efforts. Despite your love. Despite the fact, you thought you knew better. Even when they tell you it won’t. It does until they are nothing but a shadow of who they use to be.
Is this it? Is this it? Is this it?”
At that moment you finally understand that whatever you are dealing with is something more than you’re used to. That this demon is not something you can slay.
“This is sick.”
It is something more. It’s a sickness that you are unable to cure and that revelation is like nothing else. When you know you are useless to help. It is almost as all-consuming as the very addition that plagues the person that is sick.
What do you do then? The only thing you can do. The only thing you know how to do.
“Cave in, Knowing your throwing it all away.”
You get angry. It starts with anger as you yell at them. “Just do it!” you say because you don’t care about them anymore, even though it’s all you care about.
“Cave in, Losing everything you’ve ever wanted.”
You beat yourself up wondering why they are doing what they are doing when they clearly know it’s hurting them. How do you stop it? You can’t.
“All the memories, and no apology. That’s a part of me that will never leave.”
And you cry because you know there is nothing you can do.
“I still remember how it felt.”
Addiction makes everyone suffer. Not just the person going through it, but everyone around them has to watch as they see their loved one spiral downwards into a never-ending cycle of torment. That is something you never forget, from the first time to the last.
The second verse is very similar to the first, just a different memory is being used. This time however you know it’s not the first and it lets you know this by marking the passage of time. Going from “Is this it?” to “Take a hit.” The narrator shows they have gone through this cycle so many times now that they have given up trying to help. It’s heartbreaking but so very real.
This is “Cave In” and all I could really say after listening to it was “Wow”.
The lyrics are few, mostly consisting of the chorus being played over and over, but the little lyrics that are had aren’t wasted. Each one tells the pieces of a tragic story and drowns them out with a chorus to highlight the feelings the narrator has towards memories. There is even a moment in the song where the lead singer Brent is just yelling out in pain. It is a powerful song that is beautifully written and truly deserves more attention. Brent Walsh is seriously an amazing songwriter and even if you are not a fan of pop-rock/post-hardcore music, I think you can at least appreciate the kind of passion this band pours into each of their songs.