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Pressing thoughts -05.18.2020
I honestly should have started this sooner, but every time I do I think I should have done it before so whats the point of starting it now. I realize that’s my flaw my trains of thought. If something is past I have little motivation to keep trying. A petty example going to class late. I’m the person that would go there at least 1 hour early or early nonetheless for be being 10 mins late was pointless. When I reality it wasn’t; it was me realizing that I was late and not accepting that fact. As well as, no keen on accepting that reality that I was late for whatever reason.
It is the realization part of the topic that is bumbling around in my head.
Disclaimer I’m typing this when I have off moment while I work so there might be chances where I will repeat some topics.
It’s the topic of irrationality; being that I’m an econ major the idea of rationality if pervaded through people and their habits. Therefore, effects the economy, and by extension the society, in a way that benefits the majority of rational thoughts. What do I mean by this? Rationality is a bit of a touchy subject as it is seen by the perspective of the person and is accept from the many point of people around them.
To an alcoholic more buying more drinks seems to be a rational choice, but to people around him that’s not wise because they will harm themselves more. On the flip side if the person in not and alcoholic, but instead going out to drink with some friends but are surrounded by family members or people that think drinking is bad or going out invites disaster, then they will think it is irrational.
Therefore rationality, is preserved though the beholder and accepted by the common thought. This has to do with someone strong internal belief as well. Going back to the Alcoholic example of the person with the drinking problem believes they do not have a problem they will continue to drink, of course they can also know they have a problem and continue to do as so, but here is the catch; If a person does realize they do have a problem and such problem affect others around them should they be incline to resolve the issue? That is based on their moral or ethical encompass. Something that really has to do with how people are raised.
As an example, I’m and American-Asian male, emotions are supposed to be something you keep to yourself. That I what I was taught when I was younger despite being more sensitive and more empathetic compared to my relatives. However, during a series of traumatic events I developed a tendency of repressing my emotion keeping it bottle versus working it out. Notably Anger was a problem and is a problem, but not in the way you would thing.
Let me explain, I don’t get angry, I may feel upset or frustrated at times, but I typically do not get anger because of how my experiences are with angry people. For one I do not like people anger because they don’t listen; I want to be heard but more importantly I want to hear the other person. When people are anger, they typically shout and yell, which sure I can hear then along with everyone else, but I can’t hear what they are trying to say on the inside. Anger in my experience is an unbridled culmination of negativity that manifest itself into a physical and verbal expression. I characterize it as a fire without a flame. You can’t reason with a bush that went up in flames you can only take the fuel away so that he flames are choked out. That is how I deal with anger.
Growing up with my mother and father; Clear family dynamic in my family was both my parents worked, but mom handle dealing with the kids because dad had long hours and often physically exhausted to his working in the furniture industry. My mother was more of the rebel in the family. I learned later on through aunties and uncles she was a challenge and a fiery spirit; and boy did I get to experience that. I was beaten with various objects from chopsticks to the dowels for adjusting blinds, and that made a sharp snap was fair game. What does physical punishment do? Made me deal with it, maybe it made me more inline, but from what I know I just put up with it because it was one and done. However, what did get to me was when she would get angry and cry like having me do homework, which I struggled with so hard, it took me so long to understand multiplication and reading the clock the would get angry at me and yell so much she would go off to cry. That when it hit me and to this day. You can’t reason with angry people they loose rationality, but I learn I don’t want people to be sad or to feel burden by me. Therefore, around angry people I’m afraid of their irrationality, the pain they can inflict or the disparity they feel. I do not want to feel it or experience it. If the anger unrelated to me or its early enough for me to help I will not hesitate to jump in a help ease the situation. I am averse to anger because of my experiences; I chose to listen and want to be heard. People that are angry are lost in their own world and it makes it increasable difficult. On top of that they lend to lash out.
Therefore, the brash rationality of anger is a subset of frustration. It’s a further development of being in a state of usedness mixed with the various chemical and physical reactions that provokes a sensation of fight of flight with a perspective filter of a raging bull. This is why angry people tend to stomp around and call the shots. What I see are two hippos gnashing their terrible teeth at each other showing who has the gape-iess of mouths. I understand that emotions are a way to communicate certain behaviors that are not conveyed using words.
My problem with anger is more than not it seems that there is a pattern between anger and success. What the generic idea of a boss or a CEO of a company is a person that yells orders and screams in anger when things do not get done. I suppose it works considering my experience in the professional workforce most the bosses or example of team leads always have a negative aura.
It is because of this whole I get my way because this I have some bone to pick with emotions in general. Like when I was younger, I was downright a pansy. I would just about cry when anything happened, I felt bad for or nervous or just plain afraid. Then at some point I realized because I was sad or crying people would we at my whim. At some point I felt like I was manipulating them because my burden is my own right? To have people sacrifice their time to comfort me felt like I was essentially wasting their time.
Obviously, I know that line of thought doesn’t quite make sense and that I have sought help from Psychologist. They explain what emotions are a good thing that help people to interact with the environment. They are a natural part of life and should be something that shouldn’t control you life, rather explore your life.
I agree that emotions should never get the best of us. Because back to the anger issue it breeds a reliance on outburst in order to make things happen; what I mean is that “ if you don’t do this I will get mad” or “ I will be sad if you don’t do/get me this” I’m not afraid of the emotion themselves rather the meaning. I don’t understand what the other person is thinking I only know from what they displaying.
If they are going to get mad because I did not do x, y, and z why is that the case? Is it a threat? Is anger the right way to win something over or is it a self-imposed bomb so that there is no room for communication? Even sadness: are you sad or is it a self-loathing state so that you pull others in? is it true sadness with neutral inclinations or is it a self-feeling so others fall in to support you?